Handsome 1 Turns 6!

Just wanted to take today to wish my first Handsome guy to join our "nest" a happy birthday.  He is six today and I am not sure where the time goes.  Last night as I watched him sleeping (I know that sounds creepy and after a couple minutes I left because I thought it was creepy) I thought he looked so grown up. 

I cannot believe I have a six year old and it makes me sad to think he is in Kindergarten this year and I have "lost him to the school system".  By that I mean he is no longer dependent on me daily to entertain him, feed him, etc.  I am no longer his whole world.  He does things on his own and will continue to do so.  He has friends and his own interests, etc.  I know we work towards establishing this in them but it still is bittersweet.  It his hard to already start letting go.  I had to go back to work from maternity leave when he wasn't yet even 3 months because I went out about a month early for high blood pressure.  I also went back to work full-time.  He attended preschool at age 3, then Pre-k the next year and now he is in K.  I say that because in looking back I feel like I lost so much time with him.  It is true what they say about making every moment count.  Sometimes I can't help but feel like I have already failed him at this young age.  Missing time with him.  Expecting more of him than maybe I should have since he has always been so mature and even pushing him to grow up quick as I think we all do with our oldest as we eagerly anticipate the next "stage" in life.  However, now that I am at this "stage" I find myself holding tight.  Not wanting to let go.

This year he has tested us a lot as he spreads his wings with his new found independence and a growing confidence.  He is such a smart boy and so interested in building things and seeing how they work.  He loves to learn really and for that I am so grateful.  He continues to lack confidence.  He doesn't realize all he is capable of and that saddens me.  He has such a kind soul and is an amazing big brother.  Handsome 2 just idolizes him and copies everything Handsome 1 does.  Handsome 2 feels remorse and is so compassionate.  I once watched him cry when he saw a show on TV where a baby died and the family was mourning the loss.  He thinks things through and remembers things well.  He continues to go to OT for his fine motor skills and his sensory stuff has decreased significantly.  He technically could have gone to K last year but he was born on the cut-off day here and I pushed to keep him out a year.  Socially he wasn't ready.  I am so glad I did because he is right where he should be right now and he is thriving when I know he would have been struggling.

As you can see in the picture he has lost some more teeth!  He lost his bottom front two in Pre-K and this year he lost the bottom one you can see about a month ago and then lost his first top tooth on his birthday at school!  He loves tractors (particularly Papa's), he loves the color orange (Papa's tractor color), and he loves to create.  He loves "projects".  He loves to be needed.  He loves vegetables, hummus and fruit and isn't a big fan of meat.  He wants to be a dentist when he "grows up".  He loves to be with Dada and help him and thinks his MeMe walks on water :)

As I mentioned, he is sensitive and feels things deeply and that is both a good thing and a bad.  He is a perfectionist, which is another good and bad thing.  I have no doubt he could really do some amazing things in life if he puts in the effort and gains the confidence. 

I am so proud of the boy you are a becoming Handsome 1.  You and I may clash at times because you really are so much like me.  Many say you are the only one out of your brothers that looks like me and each day I realize your personality and all that irks me about you is just a mini version of me.  It is both wonderful and frustrating to see so much of me in you.  Wonderful because you carry so much of me within you but frustrating because all of my faults shine through in you and I don't want that for you.  I want you to feel confident, to be assertive, to know how wonderful you are.  I want you to know your potential.  I don't want your kind heart taken advantage of. I want you to know the amazing you that you are.  I love you buddy.  I love you more than you will probably ever know.  Happy 6th birthday!

Visiting Auntie

A couple weeks ago we finally "bit the bullet" and made the LONG trip (2.5 hours...lol..but when you have a 3 and almost 6 year old and a 2 month old it feels long) to visit Auntie.  We hadn't seen her or my precious niece in several weeks and we hadn't seen their new home yet either (they actually moved about 30 minutes closer to us)  It was a long trip but we had fun exploring the house and surroundings and playing with the dog and cousin.  We wished we could have stayed longer and Auntie hadn't worked so late but we will be back when we can stay longer and Auntie doesn't have to work.  We just wanted to make sure we got this trip in before life got in the way and it didn't happen.

We took the time while there before Auntie got home to go to a nearby apple orchard.  It was crazy there and unusually hot for late September.  While waiting to pick apples we saw  a pick your own raspberries section and despite a tantrum from the oldest we actually had fun doing that instead of picking apples.  We hadn't picked our own raspberries before.  Handsome 2 was an awesome picker!  We ended the orchard trip being very good waiting patiently in a long line for some ice cream!  It was a fun trip and we are already looking forward to the next one.

Is it All Worth It?

I just read a post about motherhood and sleepless nights.  It really hit home.  It said everything I feel and struggle with.  This little guy is my worst sleeper.  He is high needs as I have mentioned.  Crying easily. Restless. Not sleeping well. 

I got sick a few weeks back.  I ran a high fever.  I had body aches.  I was really sick.  I was like this for a good three days.  The first day I popped some Ibuprofen and took my butt on the class field trip I promised my oldest I would take him on.  I did it because I said I would.

I also continued to care for three children (with my husband's help of course when he was home...bless him for taking a sick day that first day of the illness).  I also continued to nurse.  I did most of it laying down in bed because I felt so bad.  So the MD thought I had mastitis because of my symptoms and the sore spot I developed in one breast.  But then as I was feeling better and the fever broke I got sores on my hands.  Long story short, I am pretty sure I got Hand Foot and Mouth as an adult. 

That is the not the point of this post though.  The point is that my milk supply plummeted.  I was pumping half or even less than that of what I usually do and Handsome 3 was not being satisfied after a feeding anymore.  We nursed longer and more frequently.  It was even more exhausting than it had been.  I kept at it though and worried in the back of my head I wouldn't get my supply back.

But, it slowly did. Handsome 3 and I did it.  We worked hard and it came back.  Last night I was so exhausted I skipped pumping and went straight to bed.  Now I am panicked again I am messing with a supply I just got back.  Then while nursing him this morning I leaked.  Something I haven't done in a long time.  A good sign. 

The point of all this post?  Although it is so exhausting as the post I read said, "You are irreplaceable Mama"..."You are the only one who can do this for your baby."  That hit home.  I am the ONLY one who can provide the breast milk he needs.  The milk designed just for him in the part of growth and development he is in.  I am exhausted.  I am worn.  But, I am needed.  I am irreplaceable.  I can do this. 

And looking down to see this after nursing...it always makes my heart soar.

 

So is it all worth it?  You bet it is.

Gluten Free Congo Bars

I decided to attempt another gluten-free recipe conversion.  I am still working on perfecting my homemade pie crust.  My last attempt was better but I need to tweak a few more things.  It is my grandmother's recipe and is THE best so I can't just let this recipe go. 

With that said, I tackled my Congo bar recipe and I must say, I think it was better than the "gluten-ful" recipe!  My boys (especially the biggest one...the one I am married to) scoffed them up.

 

Two of the hardest things about going gluten free is the trial and error that goes into trying products to find what you like best (and the money lost in doing so) and converting beloved recipes to gluten-free and trying to get them as close as possible to the original.  So, when you are successful, it is awesome.  These are super easy to make and will definitely be made again in this house.