I will be sad when my little boy so eager to help with everything becomes the boy who doesn't want to help with anything as it seems happens with all little boys and girls...relishing it now for sure.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Almost Wordless Wednesday- Working Man
I will be sad when my little boy so eager to help with everything becomes the boy who doesn't want to help with anything as it seems happens with all little boys and girls...relishing it now for sure.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Tuesdays for Trent
Back in May when we were doing our annual walk for Crohn's and Colitis I ran a series of posts on Tuesdays called "Tuesday's for Trent." Thus, I am doing it again for this Tuesday because on Wednesday, April 1st) my brother, Trent goes to Boston for his consult on the mass on his kidney. I ask for your prayers for him and my family as well as the doctor who ultimately ends up treating him (I think he most likely will go to Boston.) I told my husband wouldn't it be nice if since it is on April Fool's Day, if they said they couldn't find the mass now and it most likely was NOT cancer? Wishful thinking right? Tony said, that if that did happen, since it was April Fool's Day he would have a hard time believing it!
Anyway, Trent is finally letting my parents go with him so I am happy about that. Up to this point, he has wanted to deal with this on his own. I think it will be good for support but also for extra ears to take in all that is said. Prayers for them all as they make a difficult trip tomorrow.
I continue to pray for strength for myself, my brother and my family. I also continue to pray for God's healing. I would ultimately love if a miracle could happen and the mass could just be gone and he wouldn't need surgery but if I can't get that, I will take healing.
People say God doesn't give you what you can't handle but I am not so sure I believe that line. My brother has been through so much and he is only 24. He has had issues since he was just a little boy and lives with Crohn's Disease too. Does it really seem fair to throw cancer of the kidney on top of that? I don't think God would give him this because he can handle it. I think God is probably weeping with us at the unfortunate cards my brother has been dealt. However, I do believe that my brother is handling everything with amazing grace (no pun intended.) I don't know if he weeps behind closed doors but what I see is an amazingly strong man who isn't letting anything stop him. He continues to apply for jobs, live the best life he can, go to work, research his illness, doctors, etc. and do so all with a smile on his face.
Cole loves his Uncle Trent and Trent is so good with him. He is going to make an amazing father someday so I know God will make sure that happens for him. You honestly wouldn't be able to tell all that is going on with Trent if you looked at him or talked to him. He has amazing strength. However, I don't believe God put this on him because of that. I think that perhaps God is giving him this amazing strength and grace because of what is happening. Furthermore, I think he has this amazing strength because of your prayers so keep them coming.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Mom Monday
You Know You're A Mom When...
- You cross things off your list with a crayon.
- Your workout often involves you working out in the middle of your son and husband running around playing tag, hide and seek and making a mess of the house...but you still get your workout in!
- Your home yoga now involves your son crawling through your legs and leaning over you as you are in corpse pose eating and poking every part of your face all while you hear the woman on the video tell you to relax and let your mind rest by tuning out your surroundings :)
- You rake your flower garden out with a child's rake and shovel because your son wants to help and he insists you share tools :)
- You realize your morning TV while you get ready is no longer the news...it has become Disney's Playhouse.
- You have a CD of kids' songs in your car and find yourself singing along to them for a while before you realize your son isn't in the car so you don't have to be playing the CD :)
6 Degrees of Blogging...
So Sammy stopped over to my blog through a 6 Degrees of blogging thing she was participating in. I checked it out finally today in the few moments (literally) of spare time I have and it ended yesterday. However, I like the idea so I am doing it anyway but without linking back to the actual event since it has ended.
Most of my followers I know personally so I chose to start from LeAnna's blog. LeAnna has become a good blogger friend. I love her blog and I love her comments on my blog.
LeAnna led me to this blog which belongs to Rachel (I picked her because I liked her sweet comment to LeAnna and her name caught my eye because I read another Rachel's blog.) It was a great blog read as she leads a completely different life than I do but it was very interesting that I clicked on someone who lives in TX (where my sister currently is) and took a trip to NM (where my sister is headed next!)
Anway, Rachel's blog led me to this blog. I actually initially tried to click on another blog by Jennifer (the name caught my attention considering it is my own) but Jennifer's blog is private so that was a dead end. Thus, I ended up at the Cow Pies and Mud Pies blog because the title caught my attention :) This amazing woman has 2 boys (ironically so did Rachel) who are adorable and she takes amazing pictures. She also, like me, admits she can't do a completely Wordless Wednesday :)
My next stop was this blog. What caught my attention with her was her name as well. Laura is a good name for many reasons. We seem to have a lot in common too. Married high school sweethearts, had a son the same year, horrible at keeping up with scrapebooking so we use our blog to keep the events, etc.
Laura led me to this blog. From what I could gather, as there wasn't a lot of personal info on her blog, she makes pinwhirls and sells them online. Very interesting and the pinwhirls she makes are wonderful.
My final stop was this blog. Another woman who does internet business for parties. She has an ADORABLE little girl and some amazing party creations!
So that is it. I found some unique blogs, met so great people and had fun. I will admit it took longer than I thought and with a busy almost 1 1/2 year old that made it no easy task!
Most of my followers I know personally so I chose to start from LeAnna's blog. LeAnna has become a good blogger friend. I love her blog and I love her comments on my blog.
LeAnna led me to this blog which belongs to Rachel (I picked her because I liked her sweet comment to LeAnna and her name caught my eye because I read another Rachel's blog.) It was a great blog read as she leads a completely different life than I do but it was very interesting that I clicked on someone who lives in TX (where my sister currently is) and took a trip to NM (where my sister is headed next!)
Anway, Rachel's blog led me to this blog. I actually initially tried to click on another blog by Jennifer (the name caught my attention considering it is my own) but Jennifer's blog is private so that was a dead end. Thus, I ended up at the Cow Pies and Mud Pies blog because the title caught my attention :) This amazing woman has 2 boys (ironically so did Rachel) who are adorable and she takes amazing pictures. She also, like me, admits she can't do a completely Wordless Wednesday :)
My next stop was this blog. What caught my attention with her was her name as well. Laura is a good name for many reasons. We seem to have a lot in common too. Married high school sweethearts, had a son the same year, horrible at keeping up with scrapebooking so we use our blog to keep the events, etc.
Laura led me to this blog. From what I could gather, as there wasn't a lot of personal info on her blog, she makes pinwhirls and sells them online. Very interesting and the pinwhirls she makes are wonderful.
My final stop was this blog. Another woman who does internet business for parties. She has an ADORABLE little girl and some amazing party creations!
So that is it. I found some unique blogs, met so great people and had fun. I will admit it took longer than I thought and with a busy almost 1 1/2 year old that made it no easy task!
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Poll Results: What Do You Believe?
I was actually surprised to have such mixed results for this poll. I could have answered yes to all of the answers at some point. I began in my younger years with stating I did not believe in a "higher power" and even going so far as to say I was an atheist (looking back though I don't know that I ever truly was.) Then I went through a faze of "not sure." Now I do "believe" but still struggle with my beliefs as I learn and grow. I think my biggest struggle is with letting go of the fact that I am not truly in control AND that bad things happen to good people. However, I am reading a book right now (The Shack) that has helped with some of these struggles and I have an amazing Minister and church family now too!
I think my husband said it best when he said, "It doesn't really matter if there is or is not a God/higher power...what matters is that most of us need something to believe in." He said this to me when I was at my lowest point after my best friend Eliza passed. He was right. I had lost my best friend and had such a hard time understanding why. If there was truly a God...where was He then? Why did He LET this happen? Who do I turn to now? Those were all questions I had plus many more.
Since then I have grown to believe that unfortunately God cannot stop all the pain but what He can do is make something good out of it and hold us (or carry us) through our tough times. I have also learned I cannot control everything (I still struggle with this one) and that sometimes when all hope is lost, prayer can lift you up. I still have so much to learn and so many unanswered questions but one thing I can say for sure, I do believe and that belief gives me hope. I see this hope in my biggest concern right now...my brother. I pray for him constantly and it is this prayer and this hope that gets me through. This is a difficult time for me right now and I think had it been many years back when I didn't believe I would be a mess. I still have my days but I also have good days and I think that is because I have something to believe in and that gives me strength and hope.
I think my husband said it best when he said, "It doesn't really matter if there is or is not a God/higher power...what matters is that most of us need something to believe in." He said this to me when I was at my lowest point after my best friend Eliza passed. He was right. I had lost my best friend and had such a hard time understanding why. If there was truly a God...where was He then? Why did He LET this happen? Who do I turn to now? Those were all questions I had plus many more.
Since then I have grown to believe that unfortunately God cannot stop all the pain but what He can do is make something good out of it and hold us (or carry us) through our tough times. I have also learned I cannot control everything (I still struggle with this one) and that sometimes when all hope is lost, prayer can lift you up. I still have so much to learn and so many unanswered questions but one thing I can say for sure, I do believe and that belief gives me hope. I see this hope in my biggest concern right now...my brother. I pray for him constantly and it is this prayer and this hope that gets me through. This is a difficult time for me right now and I think had it been many years back when I didn't believe I would be a mess. I still have my days but I also have good days and I think that is because I have something to believe in and that gives me strength and hope.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Mom Monday
You Know You're A Mom When...
- You had a lot planned for Saturday but instead spent the whole day just playing with your son and nothing could have made you happier!
- You let your son run around in the muddy grass with his socks on and don't worry about the fact that the sock are white and probably will never get clean!
- Your son gets a slight cough and you worry all day about what this will become!
- You don't hesitate to get up at 3 AM with your son who is restless...he wasn't crying but was obviously having trouble sleeping and you could have gone back to bed and left him but you pick him up to try to comfort him and then spend the next 3 hours up doing that!
- You hold your son for over an hour, which means you get no sleep but all you care about is that he is sleeping and comfortable.
- You still love to hold your son while he sleeps...nothing is more comforting than watching your son sleep peacefully.
- You let your son wear mismatched clothes and pajamas that are too small because he picked them out and you wouldn't have it any other way :)
- You delight in the little things such as being able to sit down to a completely home cooked meal with your husband...you can't remember the last time you were able to do this!
- You don't eat breakfast...not because you forgot or didn't get a chance but because often after feeding your son he thinks what you are eating looks good too (even if it is the same as what he was eating!)
- You and your husband have started using phrases that your son does when you speak to each other (i.e., you have started talking in your son's language to each other...lol.)
- You had a lot planned for Saturday but instead spent the whole day just playing with your son and nothing could have made you happier!
- You let your son run around in the muddy grass with his socks on and don't worry about the fact that the sock are white and probably will never get clean!
- Your son gets a slight cough and you worry all day about what this will become!
- You don't hesitate to get up at 3 AM with your son who is restless...he wasn't crying but was obviously having trouble sleeping and you could have gone back to bed and left him but you pick him up to try to comfort him and then spend the next 3 hours up doing that!
- You hold your son for over an hour, which means you get no sleep but all you care about is that he is sleeping and comfortable.
- You still love to hold your son while he sleeps...nothing is more comforting than watching your son sleep peacefully.
- You let your son wear mismatched clothes and pajamas that are too small because he picked them out and you wouldn't have it any other way :)
- You delight in the little things such as being able to sit down to a completely home cooked meal with your husband...you can't remember the last time you were able to do this!
- You don't eat breakfast...not because you forgot or didn't get a chance but because often after feeding your son he thinks what you are eating looks good too (even if it is the same as what he was eating!)
- You and your husband have started using phrases that your son does when you speak to each other (i.e., you have started talking in your son's language to each other...lol.)
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Missing Papa
Papa and Grammie meeting Cole in the hospitalToday marks one year since my grandfather passed away. Last year in the weeks leading up to this date were so hard. Ironic that again around this time I find myself in conflict again (Cole, my Dad, my brother as mentioned in previous posts). It seems like February and March have not been good months for me (lost my friend February 21st 7 years ago, my grandfather a year ago March 18th and now have been struggling with Cole's, my father's and my brother's issues.) Sigh...
I went to visit his grave today and had some flowers sent to my grandmother and my Dad, Aunt, and Uncle. As I type I look up to see the picture of my grandfather and his beloved dog on my entertainment center. Aww...how I miss his smile and his smell. His smell was a joke between us as he had an aftershave I just loved. I would always comment on it every time I hugged him. He was such a great man. I miss his little limp he had because one leg was shorter than the other. I miss the way he talked. I miss him.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Mom Monday
You Know You're A Mom When...
1. Instead of looking forward to a concert and a night out you are dreading it because it means someone else is putting your son to bed tonight instead of you!
2. You actually think of "milestones" like the one above as a big deal...someone else putting your son to bed for the first time instead of you...lol.
3. Your son walks out the front door and down the steps to the car without asking you to carry him and you get kind of misty eyed realizing how much he is growing up!
4. You are realizing you may need a "time out" chair in your house very soon.
5. As you pull into the grocery store you "stake out" the parking lot shopping cart return areas and look in the windows of the store at the cart holding area; when you spot the coveted item you park and make a made dash for it! (aka....the shopping cart with a car attached to the front...lol.)
6. You continue to celebrate each birthday "month" (Cole is 17 months today!)
7. You immediately feel sad about #6 because you realize you are leaving your son for the first time as mentioned in #1 on his "birthday." Yes, I know I am pathetic....
Happy 17 months big boy! :)
Do you have anything to add?
1. Instead of looking forward to a concert and a night out you are dreading it because it means someone else is putting your son to bed tonight instead of you!
2. You actually think of "milestones" like the one above as a big deal...someone else putting your son to bed for the first time instead of you...lol.
3. Your son walks out the front door and down the steps to the car without asking you to carry him and you get kind of misty eyed realizing how much he is growing up!
4. You are realizing you may need a "time out" chair in your house very soon.
5. As you pull into the grocery store you "stake out" the parking lot shopping cart return areas and look in the windows of the store at the cart holding area; when you spot the coveted item you park and make a made dash for it! (aka....the shopping cart with a car attached to the front...lol.)
6. You continue to celebrate each birthday "month" (Cole is 17 months today!)
7. You immediately feel sad about #6 because you realize you are leaving your son for the first time as mentioned in #1 on his "birthday." Yes, I know I am pathetic....
Happy 17 months big boy! :)
Do you have anything to add?
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Seriously?!
Tuesday night I began throwing up about every half hour for the next 7 hours straight. At 4 AM Tony started doing the same. Wednesday the two of us laid around all day feeling like we were "on our last leg." Tony was eating a little by the evening but as of today I still have only had a few saltines. You would think food poisoning since we both came down with this suddenly and right around the same time but we didn't eat the same things for dinner. We sent Cole to my Mom's for the day knowing we couldn't handle Cole (the evening was not easy...he basically got the run of the house!) I sprayed some Lysol around the house (that is all I could muster energy to do) and Tony tried to wipe down door knobs, etc. Whatever we have it is brutal. Tony was able to go to work today but I still keep having hot flashes and can't eat much. I pray Cole doesn't get it...it knocked two grown adults on our butts so I don't want my little man to have to go through it.
Now, off to lay down again and maybe eat another saltine.
Now, off to lay down again and maybe eat another saltine.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Poll Results: What Would You Want?
I was surprised at how overwhelming the answer was for no health issues. I was the one person who picked something different...an endless bank account. I at first would have picked no health issues because I struggle with some daily (the biggest and most challenging right now being my endometriosis.) I am also one to agree that money can't buy happiness nor give you everything you want. However, I got thinking, as much as I would love to have no health issues, even more, I would love for my loved ones not to have any. I pray daily as you know for the health of my son and my brother right now. I pray daily for the issue my Dad is facing right now.
If money were no problem for me, I wouldn't be trying to figure out how to pay for the one treatment (accupuncture) that seems to be helping the otherwise extreme pain of my endometriosis. If money were no problem, I could easily fix my Dad's issue and I could make sure my brother and son were seeing the best specialists in the world and feel more certain they were being taken care of in their "illnesses." Money can't buy my health or happiness but it can go a long way to helping me and others I love. Thoughts?
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Mom Monday
In an attempt to try to get my life back to a little bit of normalcy despite all the upheaval in my life right now, here is Mom Monday again....
You Know You're A Mom When...
1. You are usually pretty particular but your bathroom mirror is now decorated with a clump of shamrocks in no particular pattern because that is the way your son decorated and you love it!
2. You spend your time playing "meaningless" games such as carrying snow with a child's size sand shovel from one side of the deck to the other and it doesn't even matter to you that there is no snow on the shovel to dump once you actually make it to the other side!
3. You take orders from a 1 year old without hesitation.
4. You have become a translator (e.g., "down" means sit down, "ba" means pacifier, " 'mon" means come on/come with me, etc.)
5. You really do literally "stop to smell the roses" now because your son insists!
Do you have any to add?
Rainclouds and Sunshine
My husband and I were talking the other day about the huge raincloud that seems to be lingering above me and my family right now. If you know my husband at all you know that in tough times, he is often a man of few words. He said something that stuck with me though. It was so simple yet perfect for the situation, "You need to have a little rain to get your rainbow." I said, "okay so where is my rainbow then as I sure have had a lot of recent rain." He then said, "he is sitting on the floor playing." He meant Cole. He is right. He reminded me that we struggled to have Cole and despite odds I had him without needing any invasive treatment. We had rain and then we got an amazing rainbow. Now, I am getting rain again. However, I see those mini rainbows every day in my son. Here are a few pictures that remind me how glad I am to have had my rain to get him...
I also had a great church sermon today about finding peace in trust in God. I was reminded of this poem I have always loved....
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"
The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you."
So yes, I am finding peace. I am finding peace in knowing that there are rainbows ahead, I know because I have witness of one living in my house shining brigthly and getting me through these tough moments. I am also finding peace in remembering that God is with me walking beside me, holding my hand, leading me, guiding me, and carrying me when I need him most.
Editor's Note: As I typed this I heard so clearly this hymn I have always loved from church (it was loud and vivid enough that I stopped typing to try to figure out where it was coming from but I could not locate the source)...
I, the Lord of sea and sky,
I have heard my people cry.
All who dwell in dark and sin,
My hand will save.
Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.
I, who made the stars of night,
I will make their darkness bright.
Who will bear my light to them?
Whom shall I send?
Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.
I, the Lord of snow and rain,
I have borne my people’s pain.
I have wept for love of them.
They turn away.
Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.
I will break their hearts of stone,
Give them hearts for love alone.
I will speak my words to them.
Whom shall I send?
Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.
I, the Lord of wind and flame,
I will send the poor and lame.
I will set a feast for them.
My hand will save.
Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.
Finest bread I will provide,
'Til their hearts be satisfied.
I will give my life to them.
Whom shall I send?
Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.
And with that, I end with a smile.
I also had a great church sermon today about finding peace in trust in God. I was reminded of this poem I have always loved....
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"
The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you."
So yes, I am finding peace. I am finding peace in knowing that there are rainbows ahead, I know because I have witness of one living in my house shining brigthly and getting me through these tough moments. I am also finding peace in remembering that God is with me walking beside me, holding my hand, leading me, guiding me, and carrying me when I need him most.
Editor's Note: As I typed this I heard so clearly this hymn I have always loved from church (it was loud and vivid enough that I stopped typing to try to figure out where it was coming from but I could not locate the source)...
I, the Lord of sea and sky,
I have heard my people cry.
All who dwell in dark and sin,
My hand will save.
Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.
I, who made the stars of night,
I will make their darkness bright.
Who will bear my light to them?
Whom shall I send?
Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.
I, the Lord of snow and rain,
I have borne my people’s pain.
I have wept for love of them.
They turn away.
Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.
I will break their hearts of stone,
Give them hearts for love alone.
I will speak my words to them.
Whom shall I send?
Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.
I, the Lord of wind and flame,
I will send the poor and lame.
I will set a feast for them.
My hand will save.
Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.
Finest bread I will provide,
'Til their hearts be satisfied.
I will give my life to them.
Whom shall I send?
Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.
And with that, I end with a smile.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Another Terrible Tuesday...
So just as I thought maybe I was seeing a glimmer of sunshine the clouds rolled right back in. I am so disheartened. Cole's issue was starting to look better and he hadn't had an adhesion in two days (which is a miracle.) However, today, Cole got up and the irritation the doctor noticed that I pointed out is a lot worse, he has blistering and I can't tell but MAYBE another adhesion. Irritation usually leads to adhesions too. We are switching creams in hopes that might help and we have set a plan to not let this go past another month. At that point we will then see the urologist...not his PA. I just can't put my little guy through this anymore. It is killing me and physically causing him so much pain. He has finally gotten comfortable with me touching him again and I fear he is going to get an adhesion or the irritation will increase and I will have to put him through pain again. It is just so frustrating to get a little hope and feel like just as you touch it it is ripped out of your hands.
Regarding my Dad...same thing. A glimmer of hope, then that hope has seemed to fade.
My brother? Even worse. No glimmer of hope just going from bad to worse. We went from a 5% chance it was cancer to this last appointment being told it is a 60 to 70% chance. He will require surgery and the location of the tumor is where to main arteries feed the kidney so he has a high chance of having some major bleeding. Not to mention the complication created by his low immune system due to his Crohn's Disease and his meds. The fact that it had shrunk? Just thought to be because perhaps it was filled with blood and now drained some. In other words, the fact that it had shrunk is irrelevant.
So again I ask for continued prayers. Prayers for strength to carry these heavy loads, prayers for hope when it feels like it is lost, prayers for courage to work through this, prayers for wisdom to seek the best "solutions" and to find them, and most of all, prayers for healing.
As a side note, I only cried once and teared up once during this post. I would like to think it is because I am strong but I am thinking it is more likely because I am becoming numb.
Editor's Note: I just noticed that my quote of the day today is about faith. Interesting....
Regarding my Dad...same thing. A glimmer of hope, then that hope has seemed to fade.
My brother? Even worse. No glimmer of hope just going from bad to worse. We went from a 5% chance it was cancer to this last appointment being told it is a 60 to 70% chance. He will require surgery and the location of the tumor is where to main arteries feed the kidney so he has a high chance of having some major bleeding. Not to mention the complication created by his low immune system due to his Crohn's Disease and his meds. The fact that it had shrunk? Just thought to be because perhaps it was filled with blood and now drained some. In other words, the fact that it had shrunk is irrelevant.
So again I ask for continued prayers. Prayers for strength to carry these heavy loads, prayers for hope when it feels like it is lost, prayers for courage to work through this, prayers for wisdom to seek the best "solutions" and to find them, and most of all, prayers for healing.
As a side note, I only cried once and teared up once during this post. I would like to think it is because I am strong but I am thinking it is more likely because I am becoming numb.
Editor's Note: I just noticed that my quote of the day today is about faith. Interesting....
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