Folder 3 Photo 27

This is my Mother-in-Law's pick



This photo was taken at an exhibit about the wildlife and ways of living "way back when." It was taken on our visit to Bushkill Falls not far from where we stayed in PA on our honeymoon in the Poconos. Yes, Tony is "punching the bear." I asked him to step into the exhibit and stand next to it. He was hesitant as it had a sign clearly stating not to do that. However, we were the only ones in there and I said it would make a good photo. LOL. He chose to fight the bear, I just wanted him next to it :)

Folder 5 Picture 14

This is the picture Mom picked.



This is from our trip to NH in April of last year. We decided to take a long weekend and go back to the state and area we were married in. Things were definately different from when were there for our wedding. It reminded me of our hometown as the ski season had ended there and the summer season hadn't yet begun so they were pretty slow and not a lot was open. However, we had a great time. Without the hustle and bustle it gave us a chance to really just spend time together. We stayed in my parents' timeshare, which was absolutely amazing.

Mind you I was pregnant at this point so I was feeling pretty rundown and nauseous a lot but we still had a great time.

The picture was taken on a hike we did just up the road from us. It took you to a few natural falls and it was gorgeous. There was even some snow left on some of the trails.

I am glad Mom picked this picture because I didn't really study it until now and realized my camera focused on the budding tree branch instead of Tony (my intended target) but I love the way the picture ended up coming out.

Random Picture

So I have seen on fellow bloggers that they were "tagged" to display a certain picture such as picture number 4 in folder three of photos. So...I have decided to pick for myself (since I have not been "tagged" and think it is a neat idea) folder number 3, and picture 16. Here it is below



This is Cole with Uncle Eric the day Cole was born. Uncle Eric was Cole's favorite Uncle for quite a while until he shaved his facial hair :) He always could get Cole to smile and calm down if he was crying. I can see Uncle Eric and Cole having a lot of fun together in the years to come. We love Uncle Eric...he is so good with Cole. A guy who is so at ease with a baby is hard to find and Uncle Eric is one of them (Cole's Daddy is another!)

Eric is single by the way ladies... :) He would definately kill me to think I put an "ad" for him on my blog...lol.

So, I leave it up to you all now. Give me a folder (1-5) and a picture number (I have hundreds on this computer!) and I will post that picture!

I Lost My Best Friend Today

Well actually it was 6 years ago today but each time February 21st roles around it feels like it is the day it happened.

I can remember it so vividely yet in other ways I can't remember it at all. It is funny how your mind protects you by blocking horrible memories. Pieces of her obituary are below...

2003-02-27
Eliza


Eliza, 21, died unexpectedly of a pulmonary embolism in California on Friday, February 21, 2003.

She was the daughter of XXX of XXX and was a junior at College in California.

Eliza was born XXX. She attended XXX and graduated from XXX with the Class of 1999.

In high school, she played tennis all four years, field hockey for three years and she was on the swim team. She was a member of the German-American Partnership Program (GAPP), traveling to Bad Harzburg, Germany and hosting German students here.

In her sophomore year she was chosen to participate in the National Youth Leadership program in Washington, D.C. She received the Society of Women Engineers' award for excellence in math and science her junior year, and, a member of National Honor Society, she graduated with honors as one of the top students.

During high school she was also a member of the Baptist Church youth group, singing in the Teen Choir and participating in youth activities, service projects and drama.

She worked for five summers as front desk supervisor at XXX.

In her 21 years, Eliza accomplished much and had friends all over the world. She loved to travel and she loved languages.

In 1998 she traveled to Bolivia with Pastor XXX and family, visiting missionaries in the jungle and experiencing the culture.

After high school she spent a semester living with a family and studying German in Bad Harzburg. The following semester she traveled to Central America with the "Leap Now" program, studying Spanish intensively in Guatemala and working on service projects. She cleared park trails in Belize, went scuba diving in Honduras, tagged sea turtles on the coast of Costa Rica and built a house with Habitat for Humanity in the same country.

In the fall of 2000 she enrolled in College, where she was majoring in French and German. She had recently returned from spending the fall semester studying in Strasbourg, France.

Eliza was beginning to enjoy photography. She loved kayaking and boating and sailing with her family. She was also known among her friends for her love of shoe-shopping and for her large shoe collection à la Emelda Marcos.

Eliza especially loved her family, friends, and dogs. She was thoughtful and had a contagious sense of humor and fun.

Mourning her untimely death are, in addition to her many high school and college friends, her family including her parents XXX; her sister XXX; aunt and uncle XXX; aunt XXX; uncle XXX; and her cousins XXX.

In her memory her family is establishing the Eliza XXX Memorial Scholarship for students of foreign languages.

In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations be made to the XXX Student Aid Fund, marked for the Eliza XXX Memorial Scholarship. Donations may be sent to: XXX.

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter

-- E. E. Cummings

I remember I was in my senior year of college. I had just talked to Eliza on IM and ironically had told her how much she meant to me. I checked my IM late the night she passed and she had a message up saying she wasn't feeling well and she thought she was going to die (irony huh?) I will spare you the details of how she died because in all honesty, I wasn't there so I only know what I heard and I respect her too much to give out details of her last few moments alive anyway.

I got an early AM call on a weekend and I thought it was so odd. Didn't people know a Senior in college sleeps in late on weekends? I suppose it was okay though because I had to work that day anyway so I had decided I wouldn't give the person on the other end of the phone too hard of a time when I answered. Hey, maybe it was work calling to say they didn't need me to come in and I could sleep REALLY late!

It was my Mom. I could hear the sorrow in her voice and my mind immediately raced to thinking my grandfather or my cat (he was living with my parents since I was in the dorms at college) had died. I know, hard to believe at the time I was actually worried about my cat. Never did I expect to be told what I was.

I will never forget what my Mom said next, "It's Eliza, she died." My mind raced...I didn't believe it. I think I actually went into a state of shock at that point. One I didn't come out of until the summer roled around and her birthday came about and I knew I should be seeing her again. It hit me then....well sort of...that is when I sunk into my depression.

I remember pacing my room after hanging up with my Mom who said she would drive up to get me to bring him home. I wasn't sure if I needed to come home (shock set in remember...) but thought I would like to be there for her parents and sister. I paced a lot and then called a college friend. She immediately came over to see me. Stil no tears from me. No tears until the summer...

I went home, called friends, saw her family and then I went back to school Monday. I had a panic attack later that week. It scared me. I woke up unable to breath and felt like I might be having a hard attack. My heart was racing. Should I call 911? I prayed to God to let me live. I didn't want to die this way. I managed to calm myself down but I had a hard time sleeping again. I was afraid it would happen again. It didn't...

I finished school and graduated. People didn't realize at school how bad I was hurting. I looked fine. I acted fine. I thought I was fine. I was numb.

I sunk into a depression. I didn't know how to cope.

I was really sad.

I cried a lot.

I slept alot.

I stopped smiling.

My sister saw my pain and she talked to me. She talked to my mother who found me a counselor (thank you to you both, you saved me.)

My husband suggested I find God. I looked hard and I found a church family. I sought God and I continue to learn of Him and from Him. I found peace. I found strength. I found faith.

Which brings me to today. The day she passed, yet six years later. I did what I have done each year on this day. I did my own special thing to remember her, which I will not share. It is my thing.

I lost my best friend today. She was the kind of friend that is hard to find and I do not know if I can find it again. The kind of friend that you can be apart from for months and pick up when you see each other right where you last left off without any sense of awkwardness. She was a person who asked you how you were and stopped to hear your answer. She was loving and she was so loved. She still is.

When I need to feel close to her I talk to the stars. Our small close group of friends from high school named a star after her. I wear the star necklace her parents gave us around my neck. I wore it on my wedding day. I look at the stuffed dog I gave her as it now sits above my son's crib. It came with me to the hospital when Cole was born.

I see her. I see her in the star that sits above my shoulder as my Dad walked me down the aisle...it just appeared in the photo...it is only in that photo, and none of us saw it that day. I see her in the Dunkin Donuts Mocha Coffee Coolatas when I indulge because she got me addicted to them. I see her in so many things...

I know she is with me, watching over me; waiting for me to welcome me Home someday.

Most of all though....I miss her. I miss her every day but I miss her more on this day. The day God called her home...

Silly Little Man.....

The randomness of Cole....

Love This Photo....

He's Gone Too!

Did anyone notice my Praying for Brayden button is gone? That is because little baby Brayden went home finally too. If you didn't click on his button to read his story he was born after an uneventful birth too and he also had trouble breathing. They figure his lungs stopped developing at 37 weeks and they aren't sure why so they weren't ready to work like they should have been. He had lots of treatments and was on a feeding tube for a while but now he is home and tube free! Stories like this just make me hug my little guy a little tighter each night.

Poll Results: Valentine's Wish

I must say you all surprised me again. I didn't expect that many people not to do Valentine's Day. I agree with many about not needing a holiday to say, "I Love You." However, how I look at it is, I will take advantage of yet another day to say it. Furthermore more, it is yet another reason for Peeps to be on the shelves...I am addicted! :)

I was also surprised that there are that many sleep deprived people out there! Before I was a Mom I got plenty of sleep so now I worry, I know some of you have kids that have left the nest who read my blog so I hope you aren't telling me sleep never returns! Yikes! Those of you who don't have kids that read my blog, what are you doing? Get your rest now! :)

I am also surprised more people didn't pick spa treatment. I get a facial every month. It is my one indulgence for myself and lately with my lack of sleep, I fall asleep during it! So not only do I get a little pampering, I also get some sleep!Plus, I have a friend do it (thanks Sarah!) so it gives me a chance to catch up with her.

Now, I always tell you guys what I pick but I actually don't remember what I voted for! Ha ha ha. If I didn't pick sleep, maybe I should have :)

She's Gone

She's gone home that is! For those of you who may have seen my button in the lower right of my blog and didn't click on it to see what it was, it was prayers for a little girl (Harper) born as planned after an uncomplicated pregnancy to a couple eagerly awaiting their first child. However, things went wrong when for some reason their daughter wasn't breathing right after her uneventful birth. She ended up with pneumonia and it was touch and go for a while. However, she is now home, happy and healthy! For those who did pray, thank you. They have worked. Continue to pray for Brayden (button on the lower right still.) He should get to go home soon too and has made it through lots of touch and go situations as well. Prayers of thanksgiving from me for my little boy! I am so blessed!

Guess What Today Is?!

Cole is 4 months! It is so hard to believe that Cole went from this a year ago yesterday

To this just 10 days before his birth (I still can't believe he fit in there!)

To this photo...our first photo of us at home together (the day he came home.)

Happy 4 months Cole...words can't describe how much joy you have proud to Mommy and Daddy's life. Daddy and I were just saying how much you are growing up already...sigh....

What a Wonderful Day...

Today was great fot two reasons. One, my husband and little boy bought me a new shoe rack! It was so needed. I will post about this later.

Second, a year ago today I found out I was pregnant! I had a feeling I was despite the fact that a week earlier I was told at the MD's office I wasn't (he checked me before putting me on meds.) I waited about a week to test again and decided Valentine's Day would be a great day to get a positive preg. test! I remember being so shocked seeing the plus sign even though I expected it a little. I remember going over to Tony asleep on the couch (can't remember why he was asleep there) and showing him the test. His words..."What's that? Does that say you are pregnant?" I say, "Yes" calmly trying to hide my excitement. He says, "Lets wait a week and see." LOL. I slink back to bed unable to sleep due to all my excitement as Tony goes right back to sleep on the couch. LOL. He tells me now that he didn't want to get his hopes up. We expected a possible long haul trying to get pregnant and although it didn't happen as easy as we expected, it sure was not the long ride we had prepared for.

Hard to believe it was a year ago today I found out I was pregnant. Now, I hold a beautiful baby boy in my arms each day...life cannot get any better than this. Love ya Tony and Cole! Happy Valentine's Day!

Poll Results: Dislikes

I must say I am surprised with this poll results. I didn't expect "None of the Above" to get the most votes and I didn't expect laziness to come in second. I also did not expect nobody to pick hobbies. Goes to show how much I know!

I voted for nagging. I love my husband dearly but he is constantly nagging. I have had the talk with him several times about how the way he tells me the dishes are piling up, the house is a mess, dinner is late, etc. is not telling; it is nagging. I have even given him examples of nice ways to put things but alas, he falls back to nagging. We all have our flaws and I claim to be no saint but it often feels like he tells me more often what is wrong with me than what is right.

Now, to address the other things. Laziness...this is definitely something Tony does not have. I often joke that he is the male version of my Mother. He is constantly going and often is doing 10 things at once and manages to get them all done! I really envy this in him but at times, wish he could just relax! He even talks on the phone while pacing! Thank goodness I am thinking our son is going to be a busy bee because maybe he will wear my husband out some! :)

Hobbies...I don't mind my husband's hobbies. They used to feel like they consumed him (he loves music so he is busy with ITunes a lot, sports, etc.) but now that we have our little lovebug, his time with his hobbies is limited and he actually spends some downtime with me instead of the computer now. Thanks Cole!

His Eating Habits/Health....well his health is excellent according to his MD. However, his eating is horrible. He could live off bland, boxed and canned easily. For someone who loves variety it sucks to have a husband like this. He is so picky he actually only eats elbow noodles! We are working on him...he has made some gains but he has a LONG ways to go. Lets all hope that Cole gets my taste buds and NOT his Daddy's. I swear some of it is all in his head though....seriously, elbow noodles and spaghetti noodles DO NOT taste different and do you really need to gag when you try the pork chop with a light seasoning instead of the plain old one you eat week after week? :)

And now for those who said, "None of the Above." Tell me, what do you dislike most about your significant others? Don't say, "Nothing." We all love our partners in life but nobody is perfect so there has to be something that bugs you about them. Share! :)

Help Me...

For those of you with a strong faith I need your help.

A brief history for those who don't know...

I found a relationship with God after a pretty much nonexistent one my whole life when my best friend from high school died suddenly of a pulmonary embolism at the age of 21 while at Scripps College in CA. I was devastated. At my husband's suggestion I turned to God. It has been a 5 year journey and I have learned a lot but still have much to learn. I found a church I love, I love the church family and the Minister. It is where I belong. I am so grateful to have found this fit but I still struggle with my faith and learning to trust in God completely. I like to control everything and giving that up to God is hard.

Why do I bring this up? Because of the last post (read it below if you haven't yet).

As I went to put my son down after kissing him several times and whispering to him over and over how much I love him I began to wonder, "Why did I suddenly get this urge to hold him like this?" Fear immediately set in and I thought, "Am I going to lose him?" Is God making me take advantage of this time because I wont have much time with him? And the fear grew and grew.

I think this fear comes from the fact that I lost my best friend so young and unexpectedly and right before she died I had talked to her days before and for no apparent reason (until after her passing when it became clear to me) I told her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. I believe God knew her time was coming and helped me to say what was in my heart to her to make her passing just a little easier on me.

So, I thought last night, is that why God is having me do this now with my son? A fellow blogger spoke about fear saying it is Satan trying to come in and ruin your relationship with God. That makes me feel a little better but I still get shaken about things like this and become enveloped in fear. So for all of you who have long and rock hard relationship with God...any advice?

I should also mention I am a "the glass is half empty" person. That doesn't help things of course, I know.

I Fell in Love All Over Again...

How could you not LOVE this face?
This is Cole in his Shrek coat as I call it due to the ears on it that make him look like Shrek I think.

Anyway, I digress...

Last night after I got home from my much needed weekly yoga class (thanks hun for letting me go each week as you watch the munchkin!) my little guy was fast asleep. He hasn't been sleeping well lately...the ladies here at work think he may be teething...yikes! My husband went to bed as he usually does at 9 P.M. so I take the late night shift so he can take the early A.M. one (which didn't happen this time...he slept through the night without even stirring once!)

I woke my son at 10:00 PM after waiting forever because he looked so peaceful. Some of you at this point may be saying...never wake a sleeping baby! However, if we don't he is up at 12, 1 or 2 and every three hours after that. He needs his late night feed when he goes down so early (4, 5, or 6 PM.) Instead of crying like he usually does he cuddled up on my shoulder and stayed asleep. He then woke about 15 minutes later and I breastfed him and he did so well! (He has been having a tough time again lately.) He then went right to sleep on his back with his arms over his head in my arms.) I couldn't stop staring at him. He looked so peaceful as a smile and little voices came from him in his dreamful sleep. I felt so blessed and at that moment I fell in love with him all over again.

I held him for over a half hour until finally convincing myself I had to put him in his crib as he often is more comfortable there than in my arms and I needed sleep after a long night with him the night before. I hated to put him down though! I just wanted to hold him all night (and I seriously considered this!) I know these moments wont last forever and something came over me last night that made me realize that and just how blessed I am. Man do I love my little man more than words can adequately describe.

I am so thankful that something came over me that made me take that moment with my little guy last night. It is so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle when you are a full-time working Mom. I will cherish the night I had with him last night forever....just me and my little man.

Super Bowl Sunday

Arriving in style....in my Uncle Trent's sweater from when he was a baby!
Enjoying some time with Great Grammie Giles...
A rare photo....all three of us together! Don't Daddy and Cole look cute dressed the same? :)

Go Patriots!

What?! They aren't playing???