Tuesdays For Trent

So May is yet another Crohn's and Ulcerative Colitis Walk (watch for my donation button on my sidebar soon!) and I thought I would start dedicating Tuesdays' posts to my brother, Trent. More specifically, to his life with Crohn's Disease. Here is a picture of Trent holding Cole just days after he came home (he didn't hold him in the hospital because he had a cold and didn't want to pass it on to Cole...so sweet.)

As many of you know Trent has been living with Crohn's for what we think is all his life. However, he was officially diagnosed when he was 14 (he is 23 now.) He was initially diagnosed as lactose intolerant but now we are pretty sure it was Crohn's. Trent went through tons of testing and specialists to determine what was wrong with him. I remember him once telling me his stomach/intestines felt so bad it felt like someone had a knife in him and was just twisting it. My mother said a Doctor once told her what Trent feels often is comparable to the pain of childbirth. With childbirth we only do that a few times at most, Trent goes through it on a regular basis. With childbirth we get an amazing gift from it. Trent just gets the pain.

As far as we know, nobody else in our family has Crohn's that he could have inherited it from (they are thinking there may be a genetic link.) They do not know the cause of Crohn's so it obviously makes it harder to treat. There is also no cure, again making it harder to treat. There are many facts about IBD (Irritable Bowel Disease, which is what Crohn's and Ulcerative Colitis fall under) and there are various treatment options. I will delve into all of those later.

I will close with reminding everyone there will be a button on my side page to donate. Please do. My family walks every year and this year we have hometown competition...my Uncle Tom and his wife. Tom is living with Ulcerative Colitis and his wife's sister (correct me if I am wrong Karen) has Crohn's. Uncle Tom is a fundraising king so I will need all of your support to help our team compete with theirs this year! (Last year we joined forces but a good friendly competition sure helps!) Go Team Gutsy Guys and Gals! :)

Making Friends

Here is a photo a few months back from when everyone was home for the holidays (several of my high school friends.) We got together so all the kids could meet (minus Ruth's kids as they were all getting over a flu bug...her included!) Ruth is on the far left and she has two boys, Josiah and Benjamin. Crystal (also my husband's cousin...she went on our first date with us!) she has two boys, she is holding them (Jack and Charlie) and then their is me with Cole (notice he is staring at the boys next to him...you will notice it is a common thing with him and other kids) and then Kathleen with her little girl (the only girl of the bunch of all my high school friends with kids!) Rosalynn.


Kathleen stopped by my house that same week to meet Cole. Notice Cole starring at Rosalynn.

Here is Kathleen, Rosalynn, myself and Cole. Notice all of us looking at the camera except Cole, who is starring at Rosalynn while pretending to look at the camera (his head is facing forward but not his eyes!)


Here is Cole having another play date with Rosalynn; this time just a couple of weeks ago. Rosalynn was up with her Mom from their home in Florida for a visit so we went to see them. Notice Cole is very eager to play with her but Rosalynn is a little unsure about him.


I love this photo of the two of them. He is jumping and "talking" while she looks terrified. LOL. That is okay though; he later laid on my lap while she beat on him. I told him to stand up for himself but at that point he had tried so hard for her attention I think he was taking whatever he could get at that point...we'll have to work on that with him :)


Kathleen and I grew up together. Her mother babysat me when I was very young and Kathleen and I were friends from that point on! I have a picture of us together at 9 and 10 months and these most recent photos of Cole and Rosalynn they are 5 and 7 months so it is kind of neat. We were just two months apart and Cole and Rosalynn are just 2 months apart (she's the older one as is Kathleen with me.)

He Made it Home!

I just love watching the power of prayer unfold! If you haven't noticed I have had another little baby's button on my sidebar. A little boy born without problems full term only to find out he has a rare skin disease that causes it to blister horribly. They weren't sure he would make it home. He is home today! And he looks so good! He is adorable. There is a long road ahead for him but he has made it home and he is beautiful. Thanks to all who prayed for him. His button is coming down.

Progression of the Bath

Cole has always hated baths. Here is a picture of his first bath...looks happy doesn't he? (We were sponge bathing at that point.)

Here we had moved into the tub. I tried everything, swaddling him in the tub, warmer water, cooler water, less water, holding while in his tub....nothing. This boy hated baths. By this picture as you can see he had cut back on his constant screaming but would brace himself the whole way through the bath.
And here is where we are now. No more crying during the tub. No more bracing. Yet still not enjoying it. He is in and out. No time in there to play...honestly I think I play more in his tub! The boy just hates baths!

Note- Notice I chose all pictures that didn't show his manly parts? You can thank me for that later Cole :)

Guess What!?

I can barely contain my excitement! I have a second toofie! Did Mommy tell you yet? Daddy said the day after my first one appeared that he thought my gum looked a little white next to my first toofie. Mommy didn't believe Daddy. Then the next day Daddy said he saw my second toofie peeking through my gum. Mommy didn't believe me until she looked for herself. Just a couple days later it had caught up to my first toofie. I am becoming such a big boy! Mommy says it makes her sad. I am excited! Mommy says it sure is making me drool a lot. She says I am a faucet right now! (Whatever that is!)

Want a picture of my toofies? Too bad. I am not showing them off yet. Mommy has to pry my mouth open and hold my tongue out of the way to see them. Maybe when they are fully in I will let you see them. Right now you only get a peek at them if you are watching my mouth when I laugh. Otherwise, you will have to wait and see. Stay tuned!

Irish? Yes I am!

So I know this is late but with all that has been going on lately I didn't get to post Cole's St. Patrick's Day photo shoot :) (On a side note, Aunt Janet...you said I wrote in my profile follow me as we see where 2009 takes us and you are right...I never thought about it...so far 2009 has brought us a lot!)

Anyway, back to my little man....here he is in all his Irish glory.

Poll Results and Rice Cereal

So most of you think that between 4 and 5 months is when a baby should start solids. Cole started to show "signs" of being ready at 4 months (e.g., increased appetite, reaching for our food and drink, watching us closely as we ate, etc.) By 5 months I could tell he was ready. By 5 months he was REALLY interested and reaching for everything we put in our mouth. I gave in and bought him cereal. This is the picture I took after I showed him Mommy had bought him cereal. Doesn't he look soooo excited? No joke he flapped his arms and squealed when I gave it to him and wouldn't let the box go. On Saturday, March 14th (one day shy of 5 months old) Cole tried rice cereal. Here is a picture of his first taste. He was so excited to put it in his mouth but seemed less than thrilled at the taste. I must admit, I tasted it (I taste everything I feed him) and it almost made me gag. It really is gross. However, I hate the taste of formula and he seems to like it so what do I know...
We feed it to him in his Bumbo right now. I was without his Bumbo for a few days as it got left at my Mother's house and it sure wasn't easy to feed him while holding him! The Bumbo isn't the best either though as cole is too thin for it still and he slumps to one side as you can see in the next photo. We are really working hard now on getting him to sit up. He still has no trunk control for this (he prefers to stand!)

We mixed it with formula initially but switched to breast milk and thinned it out a lot. This seemed to help as he aquired the taste but made it really messy. We just fed it in the A.M. too. He seemed to hate it as time progressed but we stuck with it. I slowly thickened it up and yesterday (March 21st...one week later from initial trial) it is at the right consistency and Cole seems to be liking it more and keeping more in his mouth than he is wearing now. I think he may be getting the hang of eating and might be starting to like it. He actually opens his mouth for more and grabs the spoon to hold it.

We still mix it with breastmilk to make it a little sweeter. Also, yesterday I changed to giving it to him at his first and last feed of the day (twice a day instead of once).

I was feeling discouraged at first that he wasn't taking to it like I thought he would but now that I think about it, it has only been a week. It is a learning process....I have to remember that.

Another Good-bye.

This is me and Laureen....she gave me the butterfly teether I absolutely love. She is very pretty but Mom says she is Uncle Trent's girlfriend and she is too old for me.



Mommy says she is moving to Florida as the office that she worked at in Maine closed. She is going to work down there and has a good job. I put my sunglasses on to show her I am ready for Florida too!


Here is me showing her how I could drive my car down since her's is too full with her stuff and wouldn't fit me!


I guess Mommy is right. I would miss Mommy and Daddy too much so I have to stay here. So here is a sign wishing her a great trip. Boy will I miss her. I already can't wait till she comes back!

We Said Good-Bye to Papa Today.

Today we said good-bye to Papa. His service was very well attended (as was his wake last night.) All the kids and grandkids put a rose on his coffin at the end of the service and then all the kids, grandkids and spouses followed behind his casket as he was carried out to the hearse. It was very moving.

What follows is what I wrote and read at his service.

Webster's dictionary defines "grandfather" as "the father of one's mother or father." That's it. Which leads me to ask how someone so special could be described so simply? A grandfather is more than that. Much more. I have witnessed it first hand. Here is my definition of grandfather.

Grandfather- a man who always had a smile on his face and love in his heart.

A man who looked far younger than his birth date claimed he was.

A man who often sat quietly and observed.

Grandfather- Someone who always sat with his hands folded across his belly or stood with them tucked in his pockets.

Someone who worked hard for a living and expected the same of his children and his children's children. You earned his respect that way.

Grandfather- a man who let you know exactly what he was thinking like when you cut your hair; he didn't like it (girls were meant to have long hair.) My hair is long now Papa...

A man who stood firm in his beliefs like when he saw you follow him home riding his bumper; you insisted it wasn't you; you know your grandparent's car and although you may have done this to another car (of course you didn't tell him that) you know you didn't do it to his car. However he KNEW it was you and never let you forget it.

Grandfather- Someone who came to visit along with your grandmother almost every Sunday and if they didn't visit they called just to "check in."

Someone who told you that you were lucky to have a man willing to "wait around for you" since you dated him for so long before marrying him and you secretly thought to yourself, "but Papa aren't I worth waiting for?"

A man who cared just as much about your spouse as you so much so that when you visited him without your spouse he would immediately ask how he was. You would answer while thinking to yourself, "and I am great too thanks for asking."

Grandfather- A man who treated all of his grandchildren equally.

Someone who attended every function of his children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren and remembered everyone by name!

Grandfather- A lover of flannel print coats.

A man who rarely turned down ice cream.

A man rarely seen not wearing a hat.

Grandfather- A lover of the woods who participated in clearing, cutting and stacking wood well into his eighties.

A man who loved dogs and had never met one he couldn't befriend no matter how unfriendly other's swore that dog was.

Someone who wore an after shave you just loved and every time you hugged him you smiled when you smelled it.

A man who asked you every time you returned from college if you were sick because apparently you were that pale.

A man who affectionately called his wife "Ma."

A man who felt he too often had to ask, "Well Ma, you ready to go?" As he insisted he was always ready but always waiting on her.

Grandfather- A man who touched more lives than I think he ever really realized.

A man who with his wife truly was the glue that held the family together.

A man affectionately called Father by his sons, Daddy by his daughter and Papa by his grandkids and great grandkids.

A man who will be missed more than words can describe by all those who loved him.

Now that's what Webster's Dictionary should say.

Photo Shoot 3-17-2009 5 Months and 2 Days Old!

First, some quality time with Mommy...
Striking a pose....








Waking up from a nap...

We Have A Toofie! Is this the end?

For some reason when we thought our son was teething a little while back due to constant drool (he has done that since 2 months) that picked up quite a bit with some major increase in mouthing, my husband started asking Cole about his "toofie." Tony informed me it was his "pre-tooth." LOL. Well I jumped on the band wagon and call it that too now.

If you remember a while back Mom and my husband swore they saw a spot on Cole's gum. I thought I might have seen something but then never saw it again despite them insisting it was there. A month or so went by with increased drool and gumming but no toofie. Well last week I blamed a late "4 month wakeful" period that so many talk about, the full moon, etc. on Cole's sudden change in sleeping (he was starting to do well and then was so restless and wakeful last week.) However, yesterday I think I found my true answer. Cole kept pulling off while breasfeeding and acting fussy. I decided to check his mouth (which I had done the past week thinking deep inside this might really be it.) Sure enough, ouch! My finger rubbed across something rough and hard. I took a look and flush with the gumline is Cole's bottom right incisor poking through. Now I guess I know what that slight gnawing feeling is while he is feeding lately! Sigh...yet another confirmation my little man is growing up.

I am really loving breastfeeding despite all the struggles I have had and still encounter so I hope this doesn't mean we are nearing the end of that. When it was so hard I wanted to make it to a month. Then 3 months. Then it was 6 months. Now with that so close I am thinking longer. I remember when I first got pregnant thinking I would do it because it was what was best for my child. Little did I know it would be so much more to me. I laughed at my cousin who breastfed her son past a year. I said when he could talk, got a tooth, or definately before a year I was stopping. Now...I am not so sure. I keep extending the timeframe! However, drawing blood with his tooth may make me reconsider. On the other hand, my breasts are pretty beat up as it is with his constant looking around while still attached, kneeding my breast while feeding and most recently, repeatedly hitting it (I actually got a bruise!) Yet, I keep coming back for more. LOL. So, bring it on toofie, I am ready :)

With Death Comes a New Life...and What a Joy it Brings.

I took yesterday to just have some time to reflect and of course enjoy the company of my son. It still amazes me how in the darkness of the day my son could bring such joy to my heart. My grandmother is always asking about him so I brought him over to see her yesterday. My mother, father, Aunts and Uncles were there too. You could feel the heaviness of the room lift when Cole entered. Smiles formed at some point on every face. Grammy held Cole while he slept for a good half hour and you could just see her relax. What a gift from God a child is to us.

Even working with the kids I did today I wasn't too excited about putting on a "happy face" however I found that it wasn't as difficult as I thought. Even kids who were not my own were able to lighten my day for me.

I digress though. I smiled when I walked through the door because in the middle of the lobby was a certificate. Just 2 hours almost exactly after my grandfather passed away yesterday another life entered this world. A teacher at the school I see kids at had her little girl. With death comes new life....and what a joy that new life brings.

God called Papa home this morning.

Early this morning Papa went peacefully to his eternal home. I will miss you more than words can describe Papa but am glad you have finally found peace.

His journey has begun...

When I get where I'm goin'
On the far side of the sky
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly


I'm gonna land beside a lion
And run my fingers through his mane
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop 'a rain


Yeah, when I get where I'm goin'
There'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah, when I get where I'm goin'
Don't cry for me down here


I'm gonna walk with my Grandaddy
And he'll match me step for step
And I'll tell him how I've missed him
Every minute since he left
And then I'll hug his neck


So much pain and so much darkness
In this world we stumble through
All these questions I can't answer
And so much work to do


But when I get where I'm goin'
And I see my Maker's face
I'll stand forever in the light
Of His amazing grace
Yeah, when I get where I'm goin'
There'll be only happy tears
I will love and have no fear
Yeah, when I get where I'm goin'

May you go in peace Papa. May the love of your wife and children be felt around you right now. May you smile knowing you made it home and you got to see your dog. May Heaven be all you expect and more. May you "Get where you are Goin'" with a smile on your face and love in your heart.

Homeward Bound...

Praise God my Grandfather is coming home. Well at least to our local hospital. All treatments are stopped and we have moved to comfort care. He should arrive at our local hospital around 3:00 or so. Tears are welling in my eyes right now but this time not with sorrow but with relief and joy for my Grandfather.

Thank you so much for your prayers. They are working.

I asked God today to give me strength to understand his ways and to do what I am supposed to in order to help my Grandfather. I then got this urge to call my Aunt and speak my mind. I prayed to God for strength to talk with her well enough to help her understand what my grandfather was going through. Everything went better than I could imagine. I was off work to take Cole for shots today. He slept in allowing me to call my Aunt. I talked a long time with her and found out she was on the same page as my family. She felt alone. She thought my Dad was for continuing treatment. A miscommunication. One all cleared up by a simple phone call.

Notice my quote on the side of my blog too? It is about courage...how appropriate. God is truly speaking to me in so many ways. He is helping me see His ways. Praise Him.

I got the call from my Mom while in with Cole who was such a brave boy. 3 shots...not even a whimper and he even gave a smile! Anyway, my Mother said my Grandfather is coming home. I am so relieved. My Dad and Aunt thanked me for all my help as I arranged with the local hospital (I work there) to get him there. It felt so good to know they felt I helped them and wasn't sticking my nose in their business as it sometimes felt in these last few trying days.

My Grandfather is very critical. It could be hours, it could be days before he goes to Heaven. I am just glad he knows he is going to go home. Ideally I would love for him to go to his house but I understand if that is too much for my Grandmother. I also would like if we could arrange for his dog to come and visit him. At the very least, he will be closer to home where the drive is not so much for my grandmother and most importantly, he can now go in peace.

Prayers for strength for my family in the days to come. Prayers for my Grandfather that he may go in peace when he is ready.

For those of you curious about Dr. Boyd. She came in after all the MDs met again with my family (for some reason she can never make a meeting.) She ordered another round of steriods. My family said no. She ordered them anyway. My family spoke to the nurse and said he will not be getting that. The nurse deleted the order. Who does this MD think she is? Thank you to the nurse who followed our wishes.

I know I have rambled again. One last thing, I talked to my cousin about Cole being behind on his vaccines (she works for the state with vaccines.) She said he is probably good to wait on the two that still haven't come in. She isn't sure what the MD's office's hold up is though. I called another office who will give him the vaccines for me if I want. However, my cousin says he is probably good to wait if I want. Not sure what to do there. I trust my cousin. So I may just wait. Again, I can't say enough about how proud of Cole I am. He was sooooo good! Not even a tear or a whimper shed. What a brave little soldier! He is napping now but we had a photo session today so I will have to post the pics when I get a chance. I am greatful for a day at home with him...just me and my boy.

My Heart is Breaking...

I went to go visit my grandfather today. I had a few moments alone with him and he feel asleep. He looked so at peace in those moments. I know he is not though. I see it in the pleading eyes he gave me. His eyes are so expressive right now. They say it all. They say, "Take me home" to all who will listen. The problem is, it seems only my family is listening. My Dad, my Mom, my sister, my brother. We get it. Nobody else does.

My Dad rushed home after my Uncle called to say a MD was in and said it wasn't good. Papa was sick and should go home. He convinced my Aunt as he drove her up to see Papa. Another few MDs came in and said the same thing. They convinced my Uncle and my Grandmother. A plan was set. Comfort care and home. A meeting would take place tomorrow to arrange it all. All was good. Papa's words were finally listened too. His wishes were coming true. And then, in minutes it all fell apart.

In walked Dr. Boyd. I name her on here because I am that angry with her. She comes in and says she has started steroids. Why my family asks. It may bring back his liver she says. But his kidneys are gone, chemo is not an option and neither is dialysis. She says we can keep him alive for months without kidneys...what does it hurt to do this?

I am furious. This is a human life. What does it hurt? It hurts a man who just wants to go home to die. It hurts a family who is so torn because they are so set to let their father go and then you waltz in, make changes, and act like it is no big deal.

I am so angry. Words cannot express it. And I am so hurt. My grandfather is your guinea pig. My father's emotions are your toy. It seems to me you have lost your compassion and your heart. Science is all you see.

My heart breaks. I watched my grandfather just gaze into my father's eyes with a pleading coming straight from his soul. I cried. I watched my father stand over his own and say, "I know what you want Father and I am trying to make it happen but I am only 1 of 4 who make this decision." I listened as my father and Papa looked longingly in each others' eyes both searching for the same thing....peace.

Please continue to pray. Pray for strength for my father as he fights to grant the wishes of his own. He is a lone soldier right now and he needs your prayers. Pray that his Mother's and siblings' eyes are finally opened. Pray that Papa does get to come home. Pray that God's will be done...

I know God has a plan and that his timing is perfect but I struggle so hard to understand right now why this is getting prolonged. I want Papa home as he has asked all along. I want Papa to find his peace...I want us all too.

On a very off-topic note. Pray Cole does well tomorrow. He has his 4 month shots (yes he is now five) tomorrow. Well, 3 of the 4 anyway. They didn't have his shots in stock at his 4 month appt. so now he is behind and 3 of 4 came in so I elected to have him get those 3 now instead of waiting for the 4th as he will be due for 6 month ones in less than a month now. I hate to get off track and I had no control over this and am furious. Pray they go well as he already isn't feeling his best. I hope I am doing the righ thing by getting 3 out of 4 now. I just don't want him falling too behind. Sigh...

Note- I am so exhausted at this point (worked all day then straight to visit Papa who is over an hours drive away) that I am not editing this email. So, forgive me for it being so unorganized. Plus, I am finally sick (I knew it was coming...I avoided it so far as did Cole) so I am not right physically so forgive the ramblings too!

You Are My Sunshine...

Cole Michael,

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray....

If you only knew how much joy you bring to my life. I never could imagine how much you would be able to put a smile on my face even during times of such sadness. A smile from you, a screech, a cuddle, it can wipe out any bad thoughts from my mind. You are my sunshine, thank you.

Love,
Mommy

Dear Doctor

I just wanted to let you know it is your fault. My grandfather was finally diagnosed with a very aggressive lymphoma. My family has decided to go ahead with chemo but his liver has failed as has one kidney. The chemo may make him a little more aware of others around him but it wont cure him. It will only buy him time. He now most likely wont be closer to home because he is getting treatment. This is all your fault.

We all knew he was sick over a year ago. We brought him to you and told you he wasn't right. You dismissed us. Things happened several times in the past year and we brought him to you. Something wasn't right. You chalked it up to age. You said he was fine. You always sent him home. He got even more sick. You still sent him home. You joked with us that at his age he would forget, at his age he would be less stable on his feet, at his age he would do quirky things. You said that at his age he was lucky to be walking and talking fine. He is doing neither of those now. He is no longer fine. He is sick. He is very sick. He is now literally in for the fight of his life.

Just over a week ago he was driving, talking, walking, eating, he was our Papa. Now he isn't. It is your fault. You missed this. You never caught this. We told you he was sick. You dismissed us. Now it is too late. I blame you. It is your fault.

(Note- I know deep down it is not the Doctor's fault. And if he really did miss something, I know we all make mistakes. However, I need someone to blame right now and my heart blames him.)

Papa Update

So late last night my father and mother got to talk with the MD that my Dad really likes after being tossed around from person to person again all with different opinions. It feels like that has been the course of it lately...no answers and many different opinions. My Dad finally had enough and asked for the MD he felt was the most straight forward and realisitic. Sure enough he came in...ask and I am here he said. Thank you Lord for that.

Anyway, the MD said my grandfather is a very sick man. It is lymphoma. What kind? Still not sure. Should find out today. Sadly, my father is sitting alone at the hospital with my grandfather waiting to find out just how bad it is from the oncologist. We are told the oncologist is the best though and will be straightforward, which is what we all want at this point.

Either way, it isn't good. He is going to die. I expected that though. However, to really know it is true now though tugs at my heart. I think about all the events coming up he wont be at. Cole's baptism, Cole's first birthday, etc. For those of you who don't know my grandfather well, he and my grandmother are like second parents. They are at every important event in their family's lives and they are the glue that holds our family together. However, I am getting ahead of it all. His heart is still beating and he made it through a surgery that the Doctor's didn't expect him to so there is always hope no matter how slim...it is still there.

As I said, today we find out what kind of lymphoma we are dealing with. My Dad gets the news broken to him when he is alone with my grandfather. However, maybe some alone time for the two of them is a good thing...a healing thing....a chance to speak your mind...a chance to have one last time alone together...who knows if that opportunity will arise again in the days ahead.

We will find out if my grandfather will most likely have weeks left or perhaps months. Months if we choose to treat his cancer. It wont cure it, it will just buy time.

One thing the MD said I don't agree with is that he can't go home; not even to our local hospital. I disagree. He should be able to come home to die. You don't need fancy medical equipment to die. You don't need a nursing home to die. You need family close and if my grandmother can't deal with him being at home then he should be able to go to our hospital so he is only 10 minutes from their home. He should not have to be over an hour away from family. I know the MD is wrong and I pray that gets straightened out.

As always your continued prayers please. Prayers for strength for Papa as he faces a tough time ahead. May he go in peace when God decides it is his time. May my family have the strength to let him go. May we all continue to lean on each other in the rough road that lies ahead and may we find comfort in knowing we are traveling it together.

Reading with Grampie

Hi everyone it is me Cole. Just had to have Mommy post a couple photos. Grampie has had a rough time lately with Papa being sick. I spent the morning with Grampie and hopefully put a smile on his face when I can tell he is so sad inside. Here we are reading the paper. He let me crinkle it up too! (Until Grammie took it away!) Love ya Grampie and I hope Papa feels better soon.

Thank you and please continue

Thank you all who have prayed for my grandfather. He went through surgery on Monday despite the doctors saying he was a huge risk and he may not come off the respirator IF he made it through surgery. He made it through surgery AND was off the respirator the same day! Odds were definitely not in my grandfather's favor and he did better than all expected. I know it was your prayers.

Please continue to pray. His liver has shut down and so has one of his kidneys. The surgeon says he will get answers tomorrow no matter what. We then will know how to precede from there as we will hopefully finally have a diagnosis for what has taken my grandfather from us in so many ways so quickly.

Prayers for his comfort and strength for him and my family during the days to come. Prayers that although he seems to be responding less to us that he know how much the love surrounds him in his room each day. Prayers that no matter what the days to come may bring, he and my family find peace.

And as always, prayers for a miracle.

Surgery Monday

Prayers for my grandfather. No real changes other than he seems a little more restless :(

He goes in for surgery tomorrow. They will remove the lymph nodes they feel have caused the lump on his neck and biopsy them hoping to finally find an answer to what is ailing my grandfather.

He needs your prayers for tomorrow. He is weak and needs to be on a ventilator for surgery. I pray he is able to come off of it following surgery. I pray he recovers from the surgery. I pray the surgery gives us answers. I pray for the strength of my family during this difficult time. I pray for a miracle.

Poll Results: What Do You Fight About?

Sorry for the delay in getting to this but those of you following my blog know things are a little crazy right now. I will just briefly say continued prayers are appreciated. We need strength, hope and glimpses of happiness in this time of such uncertainty and sadness. I spent most of today by my grandfather's side and loved every minute of it. He is such a special man. Surgery on Monday to try to figure out what is going on with him, prayers we get answers finally and he pulls through surgery well.

Now, on to my post.

I have a bone to pick with those who chose, we never fight (this came in second in the poll.) I just find that hard to believe. I cannot believe there are actually couples out there that NEVER fight. If so, wow. I am so impressed. I consider my husband and I to have a great relationship. We have been together since high school and really are each others best friends. However, of course we fight sometimes. I thought that was only natural. Am I wrong?

Now for the results. We have a tie between money and housework. I can say my husband and I are blessed to not fight about money. When we were dating (for over 11 years) we kept seperate accounts. When we got married, we continued to do this and continued to pay half of the bills each. We do have each other as beneficiaries and authorized signers on each others accounts but we still keep seperate accounts. I think that helps because we each take care of half the bills and have access to "our money" when we want to spent it. Many are appalled we keep seperate accounts still but I can honestly say we never fight about money so apparently it works?!

Housework...this is what Tony and I fight about most. He reminds me so much of my mother...a neat freak. He can't stand clutter and dirt, etc. He can arrange the furniture better than I can. He does our laundry because he likes it done every day and it is done once a week if I do it. I on the other hand, I don't mind clutter, I can still find what I want. I don't mind a little dust bunny (or two or three) around the house and I don't mind if the dishes pile up in the sink. I have other things I prefer to do more, like spending time with my son (my latest excuse.) I also must admit part of my problem is I swear I have ADD and am a little too much of a perfectionist. I go from one task to another and never complete one. My husband actually has to refocus me a lot. I also like to do something right if I am going to do it. So, if I can't get all the clothes put away the way I want I wont do it at all. I know it is a flaw and I recognize it...that is the first step right? But it drives Tony crazy. He can't stand this flaw so it is a constant battle among us. I don't know how to fix that battle other than to correct my flaw. It is a pretty big one though so I don't know where to begin. Any suggestions?

Still No Answers...

but some happiness amongst the sadness. "Papa" as we call him opened his eyes today and was allowed to have his restraints removed while I was visiting as he was calmer. I was able to sit with him, hold his hand, talk with him, and give him some water on a sponge in his mouth (he loved this!) He even looked at us and answered a few times. It was such a blessing. He still is such a sick man but he showed his family he knew we were there and that made many feel good.

They are running more tests still. He needs to get stronger so that he can get the lump in his neck biopsied. They think he might have lymphoma and the most aggressive kind. Not good but yet the most responsive to treatment they say.

The doctors say the family still needs to make decisions about what they want. The family wants answers.

His BP is lower but still very high. His calcium levels have come down but are still really high. He still says, "I want to go home..." I hope that does happen for him.

We have a picture of his beloved dog in his room now. He got a visit from a therapy dog today...he loves dogs so I am so thankful for that.

I ask for continued prayers for strength, happiness, hope, health, comfort and answers.

My Dad is tired. He is sad. He is becoming run down and sick. Pray for him please.

My Mom is staying with Papa tonight to see if that helps him stay calmer and need the restraints less. Strength for my Mom as she spends a night on a cot in the ICU and prayers of thanksgiving for her love.

We saw glimpses of hope today....your prayers are showing. Please continue them.

8 out of 10

That is where my grandfather is at in terms of severity of his "illness", which still has no known cause. I was thinking today about how just last week I walked by the waiting area of the hospital I work in to see my grandfather and aunt waiting for my grandmother to come out of her procedure for which she gets the test results for tomorrow so prayers please for good results for her. Now, my grandfather is in the ICU of a major hospital restrained because he is too combative and they don't dare to give him too many meds for fear it will shut his kidneys down and because they still don't know what they are dealing with. He is going to get a biopsy of his liver as they think that may be failing. They are also running more tests and we still aren't getting answers from them other than he is a sick man.

8 out of 10.

Prayers for strength, quality of life, health, and glimpses of happiness among so many tears.

Love From Maine....

So many of you may have noticed my button for Brenham's Hat Project in the corner of my blog. I cannot even remember how I came across this person's blog but she is amazing. She lost her son at 29 weeks (I think.) She delivered him and got to spend some time with him but the story is so sad. She found out she had kidney failure and needed a transplant. She got one and is recovering from that while trying to adopt now. Her faith in God and strength is so amazing. Her hat project was for her son. She collected hats, blankets, etc. to deliver to the hospital he was born at in honor of him. My mother sent a bunch of tag blankets and I contributed some books; one of which was Good Night Maine :)

Anyway, her button will disappear as the project has ended. However a new button has been added. Prayers for this little boy born healthy but with a rare skin condition that is very serious.

And of course, please continue to pray for my grandfather. He finally got a bed at the larger more advanced hospital after spending a very rough night at our smaller one and awaiting most of the day here as well. I visited him and sat and talked to him before he was transported. I held strong until in a moment of clarity for him he asked me, "Why can't I go home and be with my dog?" For those of you who don't know him he embodies the thoughts of "man's best friend" when it comes to him and dogs.

It is just so hard to see the man that embodied strength and wisdom curled up and so fragile in his hospital bed. To see the family who loves him so dearly struggle to take this all in is also so hard. Prayers for strength, answers, and peace are appreciated.

Prayers Please

My grandfather is sick. He went downhill fast. Within a week he has slipped into illness.

Not eating. Not drinking. Confused. Unstable on his feet. Slurred and disconnected speech. Looking through me when I speak to him. Not hugging me or kissing me back when I kiss him. Not the strong, intelligent, alert, strong man I always knew. He is not himself and the Doctors don't know why.

They say whatever it is, it isn't good. He is currently at our small town hospital because the bigger more equipped one has no beds. Please pray. Pray he gets a bed at the bigger hospital. Pray we get some answers. Pray he regains some quality of life. Pray for my family as they struggle to cope with watching the man we affectionately call "Papa" as he slips so far away from us. Pray for a miracle.