Us Four Plus More?

Don't get too worked up...I am NOT pregnant.  However, having another child has been on my heart a lot.  I don't feel done.  But I wonder, will I ever feel done?  I have talked to many women that say yes I will feel done when I am.  I have even talked to women who said they too thought they wouldn't feel done and they eventually did.  However some of these women had 4,5, or even 6 kids and as much as I would love to fill my house with children (honestly) I have to seriously think about the ability to afford that, space in the home, time to give each, etc.  If I can't give them 110% I should not have anymore.  I believe this strongly about anyone choosing to bring children into their home.

I DO feel I can give 110% to another child.  However, I know that my husband sometimes has all he can do to handle two right now and I have to take that into consideration.  I too have my moments of "freak out" but they are few and far and I think we all those moments every now and then...with or without kids!  I think my husband would have a third but I worry about his struggle with handling that because lets face it, sometimes Mommy needs a few hours out by herself.

I LOVE the craziness of my home right now.  Often times in those crazy busy moments where I don't know what to do next because EVERYTHING should be next I just smile.  Honestly, I smile.  I LOVE the beauty in my craziness.  My husband on the other hand, he often looks at me in those moments and says, "And you want another one?!" or he stresses and gets short with us all.  It is moments like that where I wonder can HE handle another.  Better yet, can I handle it all when he can't?  I think I can but I am not sure and that is what scares me.  I don't want another child to put stress on our marriage because my husband is all stressed out.  But, I do want another child.

We have talked about it a lot and I think my husband is open to having another.  I think I have come to a good place myself.  I am content with my life.  I love my two boys and I can be content with that.  My heart longs for at least one more child to bless our home and I even think about names, how a third child would fit perfectly in our family and I even sometimes slip and call our youngest a "middle child" in the way he acts at times.  Like he knows too he is meant to be a middle child...lol.  I pray a lot about this.  I pray thanksgiving for what I DO have when I wasn't sure I could have children at all.  I pray for another child but ultimately I pray for God's will and plan in this and that He lead my heart to the "right place".  I am content in letting "what will be" be.  I am content in leaving it up to God.

This may not sound like much but it is HUGE for me.  With my first child and my second I wanted them so badly.  (This is not to say I do not want a third child so badly).  It is just that I would have done ANYTHING to make that happen.  I DID do a lot to make it happen.  I was not comfortable at that point with "just" leaving it up to God.  I was going to make it happen!  That is the place I was in at that point in my life.

This time around though I have peace.  Peace in knowing what my heart desires but peace in knowing it is up to God.  Peace and happiness in being content with all that I do have.  With the two little blessings I have now.  Yes, I have those moments of desire and those moments of "what if it can't happen" but even in those moments I have calm and peace.  I have two amazing boys.  I have a "crazy beautiful life" and for that, I am thankful.  That, brings me peace and calm.  That helps me to let "what will be" be.  That helps me finally give up the control I try to have to God.  I will pray for what I want but I will also pray that God puts into my heart his plan and I believe that is what he is doing.  Now, I just have to wait and see what that is!

dear mom of the little boy with celiac disease

And one more because this one brought even more tears...

dear mom of the little boy with celiac disease

I particularly like how she talks about not realizing how lucky I was the first almost 2 years of his life. Where he was "normal".  I didn't read labels to the extent I did now.  I just looked to avoid high fructose corn syrup and food dyes but it wasn't a necessity as much as a preference.  I didn't have to think twice about making my favorite pie crust I finally perfected with the help of my Grandmother or using the seasoning packets we loved for meatloaf and chicken soup.  We bought noodles in bulk at a local bulk store.  We treated ourselves to a donut hole from the bakery.  We took for granted, "normal".

We also took for granted health.  Our first son had "issues" from the start and was not long ago diagnosed with SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder) and as much as it sounds horrible, in ways we relished in having a "healthy" and easy second child.  Then, he got sick.  Our world was transformed as we searched and fought for answers and prayed for health.  Then our world flipped more as we were thrown into gluten free.  This was not foreign to me as I dabbled in it for my health with my endometriosis but to be thrust into it the way my son needed it was hard.  As was coming to terms with this new world for him and us.  Our "abnormal" normal.

I still wouldn't say we are at a new "normal" for us.  I still wouldn't say we are at full acceptance either. As much as deep down I know it isn't so, I still expect to wake up from this bad dream.  I still don't think ahead about how this is life, forever.  I still don't believe this is it.  Even worse, I worry about what if this isn't it and it is more?

I have a long way to go.  But, we are getting there.  One step at a time.

Dear mom raising a child gluten free.

Again Rachel brought tears to my eyes because where she was a couple years ago is where I am right now.

I had those why him moments.  I did pray for an answer and for him to just be well when he was sick.  I cried about the Goldfish he loved and can no longer eat.  I hate those free deli cookies!  Read more here:

http://rachelmariemartin.blogspot.com/2013/11/dear-mom-raising-child-gluten-free.html

She is right though.  Being gluten free gives my boy life and for that I am thankful.

Raising a child gluten free? Here are ten facts you need to know.

Another great post from Rachel.  I have not found my "normal" yet but we are getting there.  I feel more in control and that is great.  We ate out to eat the other day and I had some panic going in but all that was eased when I walked in and asked about a GF menu and they handed me a book full of "If you have this allergy....eat this"  I was in love! 

Raising a child gluten free? Here are ten facts you need to know.

I do not have a smartphone so I don't have the luxury of scanning an item or looking it up to see if it is GF on my mobile.  That is frustrating for sure.  Especially as she mentions those ones that say, "natural flavor".  AHHHH!!!!!  It took me forever it seemed to find a pizza sauce that actually said "Gluten Free" all the others had those dreaded words of "natural flavors" on it and I just couldn't be sure.  Thank you Ragu for labeling yours!

Living Gluten Free is not easy and I am learning every day.  It is even harder when it is your child.  However, Rachel is right, it is a disease but it does not define you.  She is right, you are doing just what it says LIVING gluten free. 

Living and Active Challenge

So I have completed the challenge.

No weight loss and no real noticeable (outward) changes in my body.

However, I do feel good.  I feel stronger and accomplished.

Exercises that were hard became easier.

I did it and my body thanks me for it.

So what now?

Well, I got sick (hence my lack of posting lately) and I am still not 100%.  With that, I fell off the "bandwagon" as I so often do.  However, I am determined to get back on.

I like what Claire said in her last post about setting a new goal for yourself.  One that is realistic.  As much as I LOVED getting a workout in 4 times a week and my body loved it too, I think what she said hit home.  If I want to make this stick I need to be more realistic for my crazy life right now.

So I thought about it and my next goal is 3 times a week for 4 weeks.  If I exceed that great but if not then great too.  I know ideally I will work out every day and eventually I would like to get there but another thing Claire said hit home as well, the whole marathon and not a sprint mindset I discussed in a recent post.  I need to prepare myself for the marathon and not the sprint.  I have been preparing for the sprint in my journey thus far and I need to change that.  So I am.  My marathon will begin slow and with a steady pace as you should.

I will work out 3 times a week for 5 weeks for at least 25 minutes each time.  I will document each week here just as before.  I think that will help me with my accountability.  At the end of the 5 weeks I will assess how I have done.  Why 5 weeks?  Good question.  Not sure exactly but I think Claire had a reason for it and I believe it had something to do with becoming a habit.  Or maybe not.  Regardless, I am doing 5 weeks because that is what it was before.  Just  changing my expectations on the frequency.

Anyone want to join me?  I am going to start with Monday...give myself a few more days to get back to myself after this very odd "bug" I picked up and the other challenges when Monday to Sunday...so I will do the same since my mind is used to thinking that way for the challenges.

So, are you doing this with me?